Communication in The Home

by Roger Pepin
(Niagara Falls, Canada)

What is a typical family conversation? "Pass the butter, please". "Thanks". "Where are you going"? "Out".

For many families, talking about meaningful things is pretty rare. With most marriages that do not make it, often the cause is a breakdown in communication. People simply do not know how to communicate.

How can we improve communications within our family? Remember when you were dating how simple it was to talk to that loved one? What hinders families from communicating with one another the way they want to?

Ephesians 4 teaches some principles about how to have a family talk. If we are going to hear one another, we must eliminate some problems. Verse 25 says, "Wherefore putting away lying." Lies in a family kills the trust. When you lie to your mate your children or your parents, these lies will destroy all trust.

Unfortunately we are all born liars. Psalm 58:3 "The wicked are estranged from the womb. They go astray as soon as they be born speaking lies." So we are born knowing how to tell lies, and many improve with age. So you have to stop lying, and commit yourself to being honest with one another.

Verse 29 says, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth." So, Be careful before you complain or criticise because it will turn to bitterness. Verse 31 says, "Let all bitterness be put away." It is poison to a family when we become bitter and let our bitterness interfere with our family.

The rest of the verse talks about wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking and reminds us to put that away. Be careful when speaking to family members. Treat them in love.

Gather around the Word of God and share truth with those in your homes. We should take the time to pray together and seek God as a family. Parents, your kids are heading out to school. They are going into an environment that is hostile to everything you and I believe. It is hostile to the Bible, to the church, and to the Lord Jesus Christ. So before you send them out into that world you must first fill them with the truth of God and pray for God’s protective hand to rest upon them.

Encourage your family to be positive. The second half of Eph 4:29 says, “but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Bring truthfulness to your family with kindness. Problems will arise in our families. When they do, they must be dealt with. Learn to attack the problem and not people. You don't always have to blame someone for problem.

Turn to James 1:19. This is great. "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Swift to hear means to be a good listener. We must learn to listen. When somebody in the family wants to tell you something learn to listen.

Some of us men pride ourselves on being able to do seven things at the once. But there might be sometimes when you need to turn that TV off and look at one another. When somebody else is talking, lean in and listen to them. Give affirmative words to let them know that you are listening.

Learn to share with one another and rejoice when something good happens. When something unpleasant has happened, learn to weep with one another.

When a problem arises, listen to the whole situation before trying to fix it. Then keep it private. You don’t need to let the neighborhood know stuff about your family. Bring God into the situation. He knows all about it and He knows how to handle it.

We see God’s family, the Trinity, mentioned here. In Ephes. 4:30, you have God the Holy Spirit. "And grieve not the Holy Spirit." God the Father in verse 32. And, we find God the Son mentioned in Eph. 5:2. Praise God, we have all the help we need to do what we have been called to do in our family. God's Holy Spirit is the unseen guest in our family. He is grieved when we refuse to live like the new creatures He has made us in Christ. The power of God will create unity, love and peace in our homes.

Your family needs large doses of love. That love is yours if you know Jesus. When we learn to communicate in ways that please the Lord, it changes all of our relationships.

Let me share a little story...
A woman was upset at her husband and went to a counselor. She said, "I'm going to divorce him and I'm going to destroy him and I want you to tell me how to do it."

He said, "If you want to divorce him and destroy him in the process, go home and act as if everything is fine. You praise him and honor him. Cook his favorite meals, tell him how wonderful he is, tell him that he is your hero. Do this for several days and then tell him you are going to divorce him and take everything he has.

She said, "I'll do that."

Several months went by and the counselor didn't hear from her. So he called and asked, "Are you about ready for that divorce?"

She answered, "What divorce? I'm married to the most wonderful man in all the world. Who would want to divorce him?"

You might be surprised what a little praise and a little respect and a little love might do in your family!


One of the best things we could ever do for our families is to learn to communicate with one another. We need to learn to listen to one another, respect one another, and love one another in the right ways for the glory of God.

Look at your family. They deserve your love, attention and your ear. Don’t you think it’s time we learned to communicate with one another?

Roger Pepin
Christian Mentor