The Safest Place to Be

How to Stay Safe in the World Today?

• Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.

• Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.

• Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.

• Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.

• Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals. Above all else, avoid hospitals.

• You will be pleased to learn than only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually due to previous physical disorders. Therefore logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church! Bible study is safe, too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

  So... For safety's sake - attend Church and read your Bible . . . it could save your life! lol
  

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When I was a young turkey new to the coop, my big brother Mike took me out on the stoop.

There he sat me down and he spoke real slow, And he told me there was something that I needed to know.

His look, and the tone in his voice I will always remember, when he told me of the horrors of Black November.

"Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three.

And soon you'll be thick where once you were thin, And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.

And then one morning when you're warm in your bed, In will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head!

Then she'll pluck out all your feathers 'till you're bald 'n pink, And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink."

"And then comes the worst part," he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing!"

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat. I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.

I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola.

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes, I stayed in my coop doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half, And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed.

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath, As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

And sure enough when Black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming, And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming."

Hope you had a chuckle...
Happy Thanksgiving to all our American friends
Enjoy your turkey!